I know exactly how you feel because I’ve been there before. In the past I struggled with identifying my own truth and felt like I needed to impress family members and meet societal expectations that weren’t my own.
However, in 2009 my world flipped upside down and my mindset began to change. This expereince would be the catalyst for me to become who I am today.
You’re probably here because you’re tired of living a life that doesn’t feel like yours.
I'm Fatima Saffia.
Growing up I was the “perfect” student who was going to make my family proud.
My story
Everyone expected me to become a doctor or lawyer and to always have my stuff together. I didn’t really question “my destiny” because I felt like I owed my parents and other family members the gift of success. After all, they had sacrificed so much for me! By the time I was a toddler, they were immigrants from another country who had escaped a civil war and were trying to make ends meet.
My parents eventually separated when I was a toddler and I saw my mom work graveyard shifts to support us. I witnessed so much pain, trauma and resilience within family dynamics that I felt responsible to change things. I experienced immense anxiety, guilt and pressure to be amazing at every single thing, especially the things that mattered to everyone else but me.
If you’re here, my guess is you’ve felt the same.
Whenever I wanted to do something different, I used to tell myself to suck it up and become the golden child they saw me as. But, in 2009 my whole world flipped upside down. My oldest sister who had been a mother figure, confidant, cheerleader and best friend, unexpectedly died. I felt like a part of me was no longer alive and that everything I was working towards no longer mattered. I used to ask myself: what is the point of living or becoming successful when you can die at any moment?
I had a lot of anger and resentment towards many people because I felt like it was our fault. Maybe we could’ve done something differently. Maybe if my sister felt like she could've lived her own truth and not feel pressured to make certain decisions, she would be alive today.
A few months and years later, I would continue to experience the loss of more people that were close to me. I spent the next 2.5 years going through the grieving process time after time again.
In 2011, I started college and experienced deep sadness and dissatisfaction my first year. Though I was the top of my class in high school, this wasn’t the case in college.
I felt underprepared, overwhelmed and underrepresented. I was one of few Black girls from an urban area now attending a predominantly white institution in the suburbs. There were times when I wouldn’t go to my classes because I just didn’t feel motivated or excited enough to be there.
I transferred these emotions to food and began overeating while not necessarily taking good care of myself. I wanted to vent to my sister everyday but she was no longer with us. I craved her wisdom, support and laughter and found it hard to accept that she was gone.
I decided to change my major, join social groups and participate in activities I cared about. While I began to feel better, I was still struggling to tell my family that I was no longer interested in medical or law school. I felt like a failure and remembered sitting in my professor’s office crying my eyes out because I didn’t know how to let go of familial and cultural expectations.
The one question she asked me that changed my life was: if your mom was no longer alive, what would she want for you?
This question made me realize that as humans we have so many expectations of ourselves and others but when it comes down to it, we want to be happy, fulfilled and at peace. I knew my mom and family members wanted me to be happy and while the emphasis on my happiness was placed on their definition of success, it wasn't my definition of success.
I had to define what happiness and success meant and looked like for me.
This was important for me to explore because I felt a deep need to impress my mother, to prove to my father that we would make it without him, and to stay close to home so I could help take care of my niece and other family needs.
In many ways I wasn’t living my life and was carrying so much guilt and pressure that weren’t my own to carry. I wanted to find my own truth and create my own path that would allow me to not only live a life I desired, but a life where I could still show up for the ones I loved and cared for.
In 2012 I decided that I couldn’t go on like this. With support from mentors and family members, I slowly started reminding myself of all that I had to offer.
After graduating from undergrad in 2015, I began to intentionally prioritize what mattered most to me.
I moved back home to decide what I was going to do next. I had graduated in a field that wasn’t lucrative and it was painful for me to be home knowing that everyone else felt the same. I remember feeling like I had let my family down and needed to make up for it.
For the next nine months I worked at a non-profit where I was designing and facilitating workshops about sexual health, systems of oppression, and storytelling for youth and millennials of color.
During this experience, I realized that I wanted to further my education in order to gain additional knowledge and skills on how to change unjust systems and structures that were disproportionately destroying the lives of individuals and communities of color.
I decided to move to another state for graduate school and while it was difficult to leave, I witnessed what it meant to walk in my truth, align my decisions with my values and experience internal peace and joy.
In 2016 I was accepted to one of the top ten schools of public health and moved to a new city with only $500 in my bank account.
For the next five years I unlocked so much potential within myself that even I couldn't believe. The positive changes I experienced were due to the fact that I had unshakeable faith in a higher being and believed that I would never be led astray. I prayed for clarity and guidance while taking the necessary steps to live the life I desired.
I was blessed with amazing friends, colleagues, neighbors, professors and mentors who poured so much love and support into me. I found myself being provided many opportunities to excel and share my voice and story with others.
I continuously received awards, scholarships and speaking engagement opportunities every single year of living in a new city. I was finally able to travel to other countries while having lots of fun with loved ones.
But most importantly I met myself again. I gained inner peace and acceptance of the past and realized that I had been given the choice to write the next chapter of my life.
The learnings from my life journey and the practices I’ve implemented have allowed me to restructure my relationship with my loved ones. I set clear boundaries and expectations while also creating experiences where we can enjoy each other’s company. I’m now back in my hometown where I recently bought a home and co-living with family members. I work at an amazing company as a learning and development manager and continue to appreciate the ways in which I’m growing and loving up on myself and others.
Are you ready to do the same?
you've read my story...
Being at peace with our decisions, living our truth and having loving relationships are things we are all capable and worthy of having.
Imagine if for a moment your internal and external battles no longer had a stronghold on you. What if you didn’t allow doubt, limiting beliefs, external pressure or judgment to stop you from being all you can be? Just you and your inner guide helping you move closer to your most authentic self.
What would that feel like for you?
Now, I’m on a mission to support millennials of color who are tired of struggling with familial, social and cultural expectations and ready to identify their own truth, increase their confidence and cultivate the life they desire while honoring the relationships that are important to them.
I know that when we interrogate the things that no longer serve us, we begin to get closer to all of what we can become and achieve.
For me, grief and loss were the catalysts that helped me realize that I had to do something different than what was expected of me. I had to let go of narratives that were stifling my potential in order to create new narratives that supported my potential.
In the depths of me, I knew that my inner guide would never lead me astray and I’m here to tell you that your deepest self knows this too.
You’ve somehow made everyone else’s priorities your own
You feel pressured to make your loved ones proud
You believe that everyone else has “figured it out”
You constantly think about all of the things you could do but not sure how to start (or continue)
Your bucket list is endless and your to-do list is never complete
You’ve been living up to everyone’s expectations but yours
You're afraid that you'll fail
You weren’t created to just follow the rules written by someone else and deep down you know this but…
What are your catalysts? What narratives are you ready to let go of?
Trust me I get it because that was me several years ago.
I’m not saying that your journey will be easy or that the process of change is stress free. But what I am saying is that you have an opportunity to do something new, different and better than what you’ve been doing.
Together we can uncover core issues that have been stifling your relationship with self and others, explore where you want to begin taking action, and co-create a few strategies and frameworks you can begin implementing in your life immediately.
She is also a Certified Integrative Life Coach where she supports people in releasing harmful narratives and expectations so that they can live their most fruitful lives with the people they love. With a masters degree in public health, Fatima’s focus has always been to help people examine their core beliefs, systems and structures so that they can identify various strengths and opportunities of change that will help them cultivate the life they desire. After several years of implementing some of the frameworks and strategies she shares with her clients, Fatima is excited to share her insights, strategies and frameworks to anyone who is ready to re-imagine a different life and world.
During her free time you can find Fatima reading or writing poetry, singing her heart out to her favorite song or finding the next destination (or restaurant) to travel to.
